Chasing The Legend

Are We Humans? Or Are We Dancers?

2009-09-12T10:07:00.000-07:00

I don’t know about you, but I certainly am a blogger.

I miss you, bIog. I miss writing and publishing. I’ve been scribbling “popcorns” [this is what I call the random thoughts that ultimately “pop” in my mind] in a little notebook lately. I’m thinking of publishing them here to give you a piece of what these crazy brain cells of mine have been cooking in the past four months. Everything, as I always say, has been a rollercoaster ride. Some days are euphoric; some are like episodes from the Great Depression Era. Life and everything in between it are unraveling at this very moment. Am I being taught everything I must learn at seventeen? I feel like I have to learn a different enormous life lesson every week. And I have to cram them all inside my helpless pink brain. You know what? I certainly believe I grow up and mature faster than my age. I am seventeen going on 35! I want to pull the brakes sometimes and simply take a break from my over-speeding life.

I am in a crucial moment of my very being.

And I give you the privilege to share it with me. Therefore, I shall write again.

It's just who he is

2009-06-14T07:49:00.000-07:00

Sooo, what on earth have I been doing in the past week? Oh believe me, I’ve been all over. I don’t even know where to start answering this question. I’ve been here and there, been walking from north to south, been thinking things over and over, been figuring all sorts of life problems I am currently self-inflicting. Allow me to organize the goings-on of my life in bullet points.

I have successfully enlisted 15 units [I still need another 3 units to meet the normal 18-unit load] and yes, I am officially enrolled. This makes me an official UP Diliman student. Hooorah. Thanks to the power and charm of my sister Angela, I got 12 units without even lining for them. Problem is, I’ll have to exercise my English tongue to speak Italian and Filipino. I enrolled in two [did you read it right? TWO!] Filipino subjects! And as a cream to the crop, I enrolled in Kom 2. Yes. It is a Filipino writing course. I wish myself good luck. And by the way, I’m also taking 6 units of Italian to meet my Foreign Language elective [non-UP students, I know, it’s not your lingo. Apologies ]. But I am in no position to complain at all. These 15 units I have are all blessings, like manna from heaven. Here’s my class sched. The one with the asterisk is still to be added. Go ahead. Stalk me. [Napaka feeler] Click to enlarge.

I am currently living with my sister Abby in our apartment somewhere in Katipunan Ave. And I am constantly bugged by the decision I have to make of whether to move to a dorm or to stay in our apartment. Well, the pros of staying in the dorm are its convenient location and social benefits. I can make friends, hang out with other kids and make friends and did I say make friends already? What scares me is that if I stay in our apartment, I’ll officially become the loner of UP Diliman. I’ll be the typical new kid on the block. I’ll be the precise definition of a transferee, one who eats alone in the cafeteria, or hangs out in the library during breaks, all because I don’t have a social circle of my own. Thinking about it kills me! This idea gives me nightmares. I seriously don’t know what to do. Man is naturally a social being. I can’t be an island throughout my college life. I mean, I can graduate in UP without friends. I can do that. But at the end of the day, will it all be a worthwhile experience when I look back and realize, I didn’t experience going to UP fair with my barkada, or enjoying the fireworks of the lantern parade with a friend? It will all be empty memories. I don’t want that.

But then again, like my 15 units given to me like manna from heaven, I get realizations almost instantly. Why on earth do I keep worrying about this trivial thing? Is making friends a problem to a socially normal person like me? It shouldn’t be at all. As a naturally social being, I do believe things will happen naturally to me too. I’ll meet cool, witty and fun-loving people. And we’ll all fit in like a jigsaw puzzle. And why do I even worry? I’ve always said this in my blog. Even the birds and the lilies of the fields are taken care of by God. How much more will he be mindful of the details of the life of His daughter like me? He brought me all the way from UP Visayas to UP Diliman with a plan. And I trust Him that He wouldn’t allow me to go into depression and miss out the surprises of my youth because I had no friends. God didn’t intend me to become a loser. It’s just who He is.

So right now, I’m going to fix my attitude. I’ll have to retire as a worrywart. Though thinking about the start of classes gives me butterflies, I believe everything will be alright. I take comfort in that thought. Everything will be alright. The start is always shaky and uncertain. But everything will be alright in time.

Besides those mentioned in the bulletpoints, I'll have to add that I am getting fatter by the second. And oh, I once said that I think I'll meet my "future" [wink wink] in UP Diliman and I might just take that statement seriously. I haven't had a crush in two years! I've already forgotten how it feels to like-like a guy. But oh well. I'm not on the look-out for anything. I have six units of Italian and Filipino to keep myself busy.

Yeah right. Whatev. [Too much Koreanovelas]

I am not a cow

2009-06-05T06:56:00.000-07:00

If you want to know how I’ve been doing, well I have one word: dying.

I constantly get myself into trouble for the sake of personal growth, so here I am, successfully suffering in my self-inflicted problems. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking [especially when lining up for a subject in CAL], and I realized I wouldn’t be walking under the rain all over the UP Diliman campus, finding subjects while sweating a hundred gallons of perspiration in the past week if I hadn’t decided to transfer. I would have been aced my way through enrollment in UP Visayas, and at this moment, I would probably be just sitting pretty somewhere in Miagao.

Boohoo. What I had just stated was clearly that of a coward. A coward who loses herself in the race, long before it even started. A coward who constantly hides herself in her shell, like a hermit crab. A coward who is so consumed with fear, like a cat stuck on top of a harmless tree. A coward with no God.

These thoughts always cross my mind. But I convince myself that I am not the coward my brain tells me that I am.

I am the brave one. The brave one who finishes the race she started. The brave one who steps out of her safe shell. The brave one conquers her fears. The brave one with a God who saves.

I tell myself it I am completely being unfair to my Lord. He gave me the one thing I’ve been ultimately wanting – to get into UP Diliman, yet here I am, pathetically worrying, regretting and doubting His will for me. How many times must I tell myself never to underestimate Jesus?

You know, every day, I discover more and more the inner fears I’ve been hiding. And every day is a struggle not to allow those fears to eat me up alive.

I am not a coward. I am the brave one. And I will prove this to the world.

Curtain Speech

2009-05-30T23:21:00.001-07:00

Having spent 12 years in the same school throughout kindergarten up to high school, it has been instilled in my mind that I may never be able to cope up with the stress brought about by transferring to a different school. I mean, I’ll be the new kid, oblivious of what has and what is in the strange new environment I’ll be in. Twelve years of being with the same people, walking in the same building, breathing the same air every single day gave me this fear of going to dangerous, unfamiliar waters.

But when I did go to the danger zone when I started college, I have to say I didn’t do that bad as I expected I would do. I made friends easily and started a life almost immediately. It was difficult to start off with a clean, barren slate. What made it easier was the fact that I had over a hundred newbies in the same shoes I was in. All of us freshmen were the new kids on the block. Misery does love company.

Well, surprise! Surprise! Here I am, about to do that very same thing all over again. I will be starting off with an absolutely clean slate as I start a life in UP Diliman. But this time, I am doing this by myself. I’ll have to brave my way in to this red alert zone with only my shadow as company.

I will be starting this brand new ordeal in less than two weeks. So before I become the ultimate loner in UP Diliman [HAHA!], I would like to say not-so-few words to the people whom I lived pretty much most of my first year in college with. These people who allowed me to have a mark on the clean slates we all had when we first came to UP Visayas.

First up are my roommates and “hopping roommates” Chuchay [my ultimate roommate], Ate Ethel, Jill, Kizia, and Toit. I had fun, absolute fun in your company. Watching gossip girl, talking about everything under the sun, ranting about life and everything in between it, walking under the stars, enjoying Salakayan Festival, watching the numerous events we went to and simply just spending most of my time with you. You are some of the few people I trust in UPV. Hey Chuch, I wouldn’t survive the year if you had not lent me your laptop every time I needed it. So thanks a gazillion. I’ll surely miss you Chuch. You and your one of a kind dance moves and your perverted thinking. Haha! You are definitely my partner in crime.

To the house council. Have I told you just how good we were? I mean, seriously? I don’t care what our haters say. They don’t know what we’ve gone through. I mean, we’ve been through the most stressful situation there is and we survive them with flying colors. It was worthwhile working with you. We’re a great team. Well daah. We’ve got an awesome president. Bwahaha! Hey Justin, I think you’ll go far. I know you’re a great leader. And you’re way better than someone I know [wink wink]. I’m happy we got close through the house council. It was great to have known you. Being a part of the house council is one achievement I am surely proud of. This is where I learned how to put passion and love into my work and responsibility.

To my dorm. My stay in Hall 1 is probably the best thing that has happened to me in UPV. This is where memorable and great things happened. When the world doesn’t treat me right, I know I have a family to come home to in Hall 1. To my closest dorm friends Chrissy and Naira, you were my very first friends in UPV together with Bem2. It’s great to have friends like you. I appreciate your listening to my “issues” and simply just being there when I needed someone to talk to.

To my professors. I’m not sure if you’ll be able to read this but still, I’d want you to know I enjoyed your classes. Sir Go, you have a cunning taste in movies. Your class awakened my interest in Psychology. Doc Zoi, thank you for the uno. Haha! Sir Ebay, you really challenge us, your students, to do greater than we thought we could do. Ma’am Varona, thanks also for the uno.

To the CMS girls and boy. It is undeniable that we have a rift with one another. Our personalities just somehow clash. Offensive words and things have been said and done and for this I apologize. Patty, I had fun in your company when we were still friends. And though we had a fall-out, whenever I reminisce the things that we’ve done – the Lantern Parade, my 17th birthday, your 18th birthday- you are a part of those great moments and for that brief time, you’ve shared with me your friendship. For this I thank you. I guess we’ll never be friends again. And maybe I’ll just have to let things be. But at least, you’ve learned what I had to say. I hope the conflicts, issues and divisions within our batch will be resolved. We may never be as close as the other blocks out there, but at least let’s try to be honest and sincere with each other. I am keeping my fingers crossed that as the new school year starts, better times will be ahead for the CMS.

To the people whom I may I have offended. I apologize. Benny, you really get in my nerves sometimes but I forgive you for being annoying. Haha! Kidding. I know I’ve been mean, tactless, critical and judgemental to some people. I am really sorry if my words or actions may have insulted you. I resent who I was. :)

If there were some people I missed, I’m sorry for missing you out. I tried my best to remember the significant people I’ve met.

I regret not having to say these words personally. I guess this blog serves its purpose – to contain words that were left unsaid. At this moment, I am putting the issues I left unsolved behind me. I look toward what is coming for me.

I sometimes say that my stay in UPV was a mistake. But I realize it was not. It was where I gathered some of the most important life experiences I encountered. Thank you for playing your parts in this chapter of my life.

With this, I bow to the final curtain call.

Please don't start the fire

2009-05-29T17:58:00.000-07:00

I can’t believe how much this much-publicized sex tape of Katrina Halili and Hayden Kho has become a media circus. Not to mention how Hayden Kho has become the bottom of every green joke in the country. And well, Katrina Halili has become the damsel in distress. A Far image from her feisty, i-know-you-want me image as a sexy star.

Lies have been revealed. Spiteful words have been exchanged. Accusations have been made. Stories have been made up. And here is the media, along with the gossip-craving Filipino audience and we have the perfect recipe for a national fiasco.

The media have lost theirselves in grabbing every opportunity to cover this “scandal of the year”. It has already been established that entertainment news brings in a lot of ratings. This just might explain why TV Patrol World, supposed to gather more important national and world issues, allot a considerable amount of airtime to this scandal. What do we have SNN for?

With regards to SNN, I have to say you are doing a fantastic job in turning this scandalous event into a carnival. Congratulations.

However, I can’t completely blame the media [after all, I am an aspiring media practitioner]. It is part of their job description to get their noses in where there is news. Problem is, the media has lost itself to ratings rivalry that substance most of time has to be given up in order to win over the enemy.

The real problem points to the public figures involved. They started the fire for indiscreetly not keeping their private lives private. They never learn from their predecessors. Never keep a sex tape. Because it will always leak out.

Oh, I also have something to say to Lolit Solis. I don’t understand what she is trying to do with her revelations or made-up stories. She is clearly just adding fuel to the fire. So what if Vicky Belo sustains Hayden Kho? It is way out of the real issue. What Lolit Solis is doing is intentionally embarrassing the people involved on national TV, exposing information that are not meant for the public to know. It is their private lives, and it is better off as private. But Lolit Solis just can’t keep mum about it. Is this her next made-up story after the Piolo Pascual-Sam Milby-Homosexual story?

Jeez. I hate Pinoy Showbiz.

I hope these will all end soon with a happy ending - the legislators finally passing a law against sexual immorality in any form of technology and the people involved getting a dose of their own cure.

This event is an eye opener for how much society has changed. Morality has degraded, laws are obsolete, the media are substandard and Filipinos are increasingly becoming gossipmongers.

And with that established truth, I rest my case.

Darling, I could tell you stories that'll make your brows curl

2009-05-20T20:40:00.000-07:00

Wholly Molly! My happiness is infectious because I just received the best blessing I have ever received so far. Well daah. I got into UP Diliman! I’ve been wanting to blurt out those six words so bad. Now that I have, it feels so good. I want to do it again. I got into UP Diliman! I got into UP Diliman! [Okay, I think I should stop]

Well, it wasn’t as easy as I expected it to be. I have to say it was harder than UPCAT. Don’t believe me? Just imagine having a hot debate with three UP Broad Comm. Professors, intimidating you and frying you with questions. Then, you’ll believe me.

D-day happened not on May 11 but on May 12. It got postponed. Good thing it was postponed because my stupidity almost got in the way of my dreams! I woke up at 8:30 in the morning of May 11 when my exam was scheduled at 9:00 in the morning. Of course, God prevented my dreams from slipping away. Thank You!

I know, I know. It’s like a rule in the blogospehere to dish right away the eventful happenings of a day, but heck, I don’t follow any rules. I’m an unconventional blogger. Haha. Truth is, I wanted to know the results first before I write the juicy details here. I mean, I don’t want to write my worries that maybe I wont get in or my rants about how cruel and sadistic my interviewers in my pretty lil blog. I’m anti-ranting. [Okay, a million bloggers officially hate me now]

So let’s get on with it, shall we? I’ll try my best to remember every single detail. Maybe I’ll miss out on some but forgive me, fellas. The day was traumatizing that it almost killed all of my brain cells.

EXAM: UPCAT all over again

The 93 hopeful and some desperate [including me] applicants of Broad Comm. took the exam Tuesday morning, May 12. When I arrived in the Plaridel Hall, I was a lost sheep. I didn’t know where to go. Good thing Chuchay’s mom was there to give me directions.

We took the exam in this hall which I don’t know the name. It was airconditioned and it was the perfect torture for us. The cold temperature all the more made my hands clammy and shaky. It was a one-question exam. And as far as I can remember, here’s what I wrote: [It took me a couple of minutes to get my mind cleared first. My heart was palpitating! But I figured I had to answer it as honest as it can be. And yeah, I added flowery words to flatter the panel. Haha. I think it worked!]

How do you see yourself five years from now?

People usually say that there are five noteworthy dates in a person’s life. First is birthday. Followed by his seventh birthday, where he starts seeing the world in a different perspective. Next is his coming of age birthday. The fourth special day is his wedding day. And last on the list is the very day he becomes a parent.

In my situation, things will be different. Five years from now, on a fateful day on 2014, I’ll be living the sixth most important day of my life. On that day, I will start changing the world, one step at a time. On that day, five years from now, I’ll become the great broadcast journalist I aspired to be.

Five years from now, I’ll be fresh out of college, probably from the University of the Philippines-Diliman. I’ll become the broadcast journalist my professors taught and trained me to be. Living out the fact that only a diamond can cut a diamond, I will become the perfect, well-shaped diamond having been cut and molded by professors who are diamonds themselves in the premier educational institution in the country.

Five years from now, I’ll be doing more than a job. I’ll be upholding a virtue of integrity and honesty to my audience- the world. I’ll behold the same principles that made Korina Sanchez and Che Che Lazaro the most prominent broadcast journalists of their time. I’ll strive to become a person of substance and credibility, a person who only takes the side of the truth, a person who’ll go the extra mile for the sake of the Filipino nation.

A broadcast journalist with an advocacy. This I will become, five years from now.

INTERVIEW: The White Mile

Now the interview was the hardest part of this ordeal. I don’t want to mention the panel of interviewers but I have to say they were frightening. Well of course, they were built that way. They had to be mean and intimidating to determine who really are deserving and assertive in the applicants. I was number 26. After the exam, we went back to the Dept. of Broad Comm and had to wait for our turn to be interviewed, no, make that scrutinized. Chuchay and I dubbed it as the White Mile [in reference to the movie The Green Mile. If you haven’t heard of it, well, you probably are a different breed of species]. There were not enough seats for us so we had to scrawl on the white floor of the Dept. So there, it was then baptized as the white mile.

I was getting really panicky seeing the reactions of the applicants after interviewed. They were almost in the brink of crying. Going through that interview, I have to tell you that I learned that there’s no room for cowardice in UP Diliman. Especially if your course is a speaking course. You’ll have to learn to defend yourself verbally. Bawal mag tatanga-tanga dito.

Every single thing that you would answer, you’ll have to be 100% sure that you’ll be able to explain and reason for it. And I learned that in a college interview with a terror panel, don’t ever mention anything you aren’t sure of. Don’t mention words you’re not sure of its definition or terms you don’t completely comprehend. Now I’ve been claiming that I wanted to become a documentarist and I told this to the panel during my interview. They asked me to give an example of a documentary show and I said The Probe and The Correspondents. They gave me “the look”. I wasn’t really sure what a documentary really is, like its definition or concrete examples of it. Good thing I was able to save the conversation we had with my verbal diarrhea. This I will explain further.

Now, another thing I also learned is that you’ll have to be witty and colorful and to give them something they haven’t seen before. In a list of 93 applicants, what did I have to offer to make them remember me? My desperation of course. Okay I’m too mean to myself. It’s my passion and my assertiveness toward the goals I’ve set to myself. When asked to give a reason why I should be accepted, a reason that will put me on top of those 93 applicants, I poured my heart it through a verbal diarrhea. Here’s what I said, as far as I can remember: [Spoken with exaggerated hand gestures. My hands were all over the place! Haha]

“Last year June 2008 sir, I spoke to my fellow freshmen during the opening program telling them that now we’re entering college, its time to get out of the box and do something different, difficult it maybe. Now sir, I want to apply that advice I gave to my fellow freshmen to myself. I believe that If I transfer here to UP Diliman, I’ll have the chance to go out of the box, to take a risk and do something different sir. I know it may sound cheesy sir, but I’ve been dreaming to go to UP Diliman. And I honestly believe that it is here I’ll be challenged to become the best that I can be.”

They must have sensed my passion and desperation because I saw them smile and look at each other. They must have thought “Oh let’s just let this poor girl have her dream.” Haha! I can laugh about it now but a week ago, before I learned the results, I was a mess! I went thorugh different stages. I went through anger, depression, doubt and worry.

But you know what comforted me? The fact that God has a plan to prosper and not to harm me. It was my driving force to believe. And I wondered why on earth should I worry about anything? I mean, even the flowers in the fields and the birds in the skies are taken care of God. The little and seemingly unimportant things in the world are loved and cared for by Him. How much more will He do for me? Right?

This whole experience just brought me a whole lot closer to my beautiful Lord. And I think it wasn’t my exam, or my answers, or my charm that lead me into getting accepted. It was all the works of God. He fueled me to conquer this ordeal. And He gave me not just a gift of going to UP Diliman. He gave me my life “as a prize”.

And for that, I am more than thankful. The Chase has begun.

Wordy, Oh so Wordy. Forgive me, Fella

2009-05-10T08:33:00.000-07:00

In case you have no idea of the goings-on in my life lately, I’ll spare you the aspirin for that headache and dish out the details. [I’m sorry for writing consequently about my personal life. I mean, I can do that but of course, it is kind of annoying. But I can’t let this pass.] I should be writing about Mother's Day, but I'm just wanting to let this out. So here goes.

I spent my first year in college in University of the Philippines-Visayas, Miagao Campus. I took up BA Communication and Media Studies. Now, my first choice was UP-Diliman. Of course I was more than upset when I got landed in Miagao, I was more of like, depressed. I thought the whole world was just against me. So I figured out that I’ll spent my first year in Miagao, then transfer to Diliman my second year. So there, one year in Miagao and I fell in love with my life there. But then again, I’d have to say, I easily fell in love, and easily fell out of love [fall out girl? Haha] with the situation. Sometimes, when you think that things are doing perfectly, the table will just suddenly turn and you’ll be surprised of how the perfect became disastrous in a span of weeks. Well, that happened to me. After deliberately thinking, and thinking some more, I’d have to say that the happiness I felt wasn’t long term.

I sought and continue to seek for something more, you know. Like you want to breakaway. Lucas Scott once said to Peyton, “You are destined for greatness”, and I believe all of us are. I find that my destiny of greatness wouldn’t be fulfilled if I stayed in Miagao. I was becoming more and more a stranger to myself, becoming someone I am not proud of. And I kept on discovering that this little place I used to love has turned into a “Barbie” world. I just could not take the superficiality anymore.

In addition, I’d like to share this thought with you. In an attempt to comfort myself upon knowing that I didn’t get admitted to UP-Diliman, I told myself that it’s better that way because Miagao is a rural area, away from temptations. I can concentrate on God and know him better in the quietness of this municipality. But I was so wrong. I didn’t expect that Miagao would lure me away from Him. Well, the place is not evil. It’s just that, well, it’s the place where so many mistakes, irreversible mistakes, were made.

Having said the brief history, I would like to tell you that I am safely tucked away from Miagao. I pulled out every bit of root I planted there. There is no reason for me to stay or go back to Miagao. Although I have lots of “friends” there, I know that only a few of them are worth keeping. Don’t worry friends, I’ll always remember you. You are probably one of the few “right” things I did there.But I have to say, Miagao was my training ground. And I realize that if things didn’t go bad, and if I didn’t compromise to the standards of this world, then I wouldn’t learn. And I wouldn’t discover myself. I guess all is well.

So right now, I am shaking in my shoes, or make that slippers, because tomorrow is my BIG
day. I’ll be having my interview and exam for my application of transferring to the College of Mass Communication. If girls have five special dates in their lives – seventh birthday, 18^th birthday, college graduation day, wedding day and first-born child birthday- well, I have to say this day will be my sixth special day. Only I know the measure of my wanting to transfer here. It’s a life and death situation. Okay, not really. But you get the point, right?

Now I really should put a period to this. I’ve said and revealed too much. It is annoying, I know. Annoying people is kinda fun though. Anyway, I have to hit the sacks. When I wake up, it should be a “hello, tomorrow” moment.

Wish me luck and pray for me.

The Girl Knows How to Bang

2009-05-06T22:24:00.000-07:00

Tuesday night, my sister Angela told me how she and her roommie liked reading my older blog, My Personal Legend because of my candid way of writing. Now, I look at my brand new blog and notice how empty and lifeless it is. It is official. I have lost my flair in writing. I don't know how to come up with fun, relevant topics anymore.

So to add insult to injury and to cause more depression to myself, I read my older blog a while ago. It really is interesting reading the things you write and care about the past. I wrote about High School 101 and mother- teen daughter relationships, you know, things that mattered to me at that moment in my life. Today, so many more important and grown-up-like issues [like college, faith and career] are surrounding me, but I can't write about them or put them into words. How long will this writer's block go on? My blogging brain cells have been stagnant for so long already. Of course, I have to find a scapegoat for my situation and so I blame Miagao for being so rural. I had to spend my first year in college with the absence of a ready-to-go internet connection. Plus, I didn't have my own PC. So I guess, the world is just against me.

So having said let my depression out, and while I allow this blogger's block to pass, I thought, why don't we make fun of someone, eh? And that someone is *drum roll* yours truly. Well daaah. If you choose to make fun of someone in a kind way, choose yourself. So today, I am going to embarass myself by sharing with you the evolution of my hairdo's, particularly, my oh-so-fabulous bangs. :)

I worn bangs for quite some time, maybe a good three or four years. I'd occassionally tidy them with a pin and go bangless for a day or two. But you know me, I loved [take note of the tense] my bangs.

Well who wouldn't love bangs, right? It is sooo hollywood. Celebrities and I mean A-list celebrities always carry bangs on their manes. Whether out in downtown Los Angeles, or strutting the red carpet on a main event, bangs would never get out of style.

Do you remember when Koreanovelas were on the height of their popularity? Every girl you'd see in the street wore a Korean-inspired bangs. And of course! Who would ever forget the year when Emo became more than just a word but evolved into a fashion statement, genre in music and generally, a lifestyle? A true-blue Emo person knows that bangs, alongside the ever popular eyeliner, set him apart from the "normal" people.

So you get the point. Bangs are never out of style. I was infected with the bangs fever for a long time. But the silly version of me, the experimental Charisse, cut the bangs herself. You get the picture now, dont you? Disaster.

This is what I call the Birdtail bangs because if you look closely, it really does look like a tail of a Maya bird. Haha! I wore this "style" first year high school.

This one is Daboy Bangs because I wore my hair on a ponytail and looked straight at you, my hair would look like a guy's. Jeeez. This is the worst style of bangs I've ever worn. And guess what? I went to an Impromptu Speaking Competition hosted by the Rotary Club wearing this hair! Funny, very very funny. :)

Now this is the Bunot Bangs. It pretty self-explanatory. I wore it senior year in high school. It only lasted for about three weeks. I got rid of it because it brought me pimples in the forehead. And when it grew longer, hair covered my eyes. But seriously. I thought I looke pretty with that style. Well it doesnt look that bad, right?

I rest my case. Maybe I am not meant for bangs, or maybe I should go to a salon to properly get it done so it would look decent on me. Either way, I am not wearing bangs at the moment. Although sometimes, I think I do need it now more than ever to cover my zits. Haha! One thing I learned though is the utmost importance of hair pins in a girl's life. Whoever invented the hairpin, I love you!

The next time you decide to get bangs, read this post first so that you wont be like me. Haha! It's pure fun. :)

Trouble and uncertainty abound in all direction

2009-04-30T04:03:00.000-07:00

Updates are slow, I know. I've been bumming around the UP-Diliman Campus for the past three days. I've been staying most of the time in the residential area that I almost forgot that there is a bigger world out there, waiting for me to explore it. But my scaredy cat tendencies are bugging me. I want to go out there and see the world I've been wanting to revolve but I'm scared I may get lost. I may not be much of a voyager, I discovered.

Later this day, I went biking all over the UP oval together with my sister Andrea and right then and there, I saw the beauty of the UP campus. The climate was very favorable and the roads were'nt much crowded with automobiles. A got a little scared biking through the highway knowing that it's been years since I got unto a bicycle. We biked to Palma Hall and I saw the famous Palma Hall steps. Well maybe it's famous only for me but I've been wanting to walk those steps badly. I always see them on TV, especially when UP is featured on news shows. Well, I finally walked on the Palma Hall steps. I can finally say " Charisse was here". Haha.

When I lie on my bed at night, I think of the BIG day - May 11. I'll be having my interview and exam on that fateful day. It will determine if I will ever be admitted in UP-Diliman. I think back on the reason why I put myself on this stressful situation. Of course, a big reason is the fact that my parents want me to transfer here. But I had the choice to turn the table and do things intentionally that will give me lesser chances of getting in to UP-Diliman. There is a much bigger reason for it.

Of course, its in the back of my mind all along. When I delivered my speech infront of the whole UP- Visayas students last June, I said it was time to move out of our comfort zones. Until now, it is still the driving force that leads me into this stressful situation. Life in Miagao is easy and stress-free. You live in a rural area with no signs of modernity and tempation. The population of students are fairly small, which means less academic competitions. This is a comfort zone. And deep down, I seek for a larger than life experience.

Right now, I have to say that my life is at the brink of uncertainty. I don't know If I'll ever be studying in the univeristy I've been dreaming to be in. I don't know if my out-of-the-comfort-zone virtue is a false virtue after all. I do not know.

So when I lie on my bed at night and struggle to get my mind off from the big day, I pray that I'll stop worrying at all and abandon everything to Christ. I've been saying this all the time, to stop worrying and all that. But I still do. I worry every single day. This time, I want to sincerely put my trust on Him. I know that If do faithfully, He will give me my life. My life as "a prize".

The root of all evil

2009-04-27T21:09:00.000-07:00

I have to tell you that I've been feeling like an ugly duckling lately. Before I came to Manila, about three or four days, I started drinking vitamin E capsules. Well of course, what does vitamin E do for the skin? It gives it a healthy, beautiful glow. Judy Ann Santos even said in her TV commercial for Myra E, it'll make you feel "more alive". But I've been like a dawn of the dead situation these days. I'm having an acne breakout! I've never had this so much pimples in my life. I mean, let's not beat around the bush. Pimples can really lower you self-esteem. Jeez. I'm losing myself to self-pity.

It turns out, vitamin E will make you have a pimple breakout at the beginning of your intake. After a while, you'll skin will look better after the starter phase is over. Man, I am so depressed right now. Not to mention that I am getting fatter by the second.

Well, you can't blame me for ranting this early. Every young lady has her issues.

But seriously, screw vitamin E. You're the reason for my problems. You're the reason for poverty. You're the reason for the global financial crisis. In fact, you're even the reason for global warming.

Vitamin E is the root of all evil.

If you have vitamin E at home, burn it now before it consumes you.

Five years ago, I had less brain cells

2009-04-24T03:30:00.000-07:00

Being away for a year in college in a different island changed the way I think about things I misinterpreted and mistook before. I feel like I experienced a renaissance. This is the time when I feel so much less like a teenager. Maybe I grow up faster than everybody else, or I think too much than beyond my age, but I know I gathered so many pearls of wisdom, mostly outside of the classroom. When you’re alone in a radical university with no friends and with the burden starting a life in that miserable situation, you push yourself way past you boundary and you discover you can do a lot of things you thought you could not do before. That’s what I have been doing back in Miagao. Throwing myself on spur-of-the-moment encounters and finding myself surprisingly surviving. I just feel like I’m a wiser being now, armed with the experiences I gained in Miagao.

So when I came home to Bacolod, I was taken aback with how the people I left a year ago seemed a whole lot different too. We all had undergone an evolutionary process, only of different kind. Some found new confidence in a new figure, some learned their lessons the hard way, some put on the bravest face they could ever have. One year can change your life. May it be for better or for worse, it will all lead to the person you are meant to be. We are just taking baby steps now.

For my first official post in The Chase [ a pet name for my site], I will pay tribute to the years that had gone by, the years that changed us.

From the primitive Charisse, to the Renaissance Charisse. I look at myself in 2005 and I envy my better skin. Why do we have to look less pretty [or uglier?] as we get older? Haha! And look, I was thinner then. Well, maybe because we can’t have all the good in the world.

Once sent Nadine an SMS saying how I felt a stinging sensation whenever I looked at our younger selves in pictures. I also told her, as every day ends, our lives become more like of an adult. Now as I look at these photos, I just might know what that stinging sensation is. It’s the feeling of experiencing reality, that we won’t be the same again and our friendship won’t be like it used to be when we were younger. It may not be the same again, but I sure do know that it will be better because we are young adults now. And our friendship is on a new level. :]

If you notice, since 2005, I’ve been hanging around with practically the same people. Our companionship stood the test of time.

I'll breathe beneath the abundant skies

2009-04-23T19:34:00.000-07:00

I’m leaving for Manila tomorrow. Both of my parents are supposed to come with me but Papa changed his mind. He has a lot of things going on now. I’m pursuing him to go because it will be an awesome time for us, but my old man just has to stay behind. Jeez. Adult life is dreary.

I’ll probably be back in 20 days. It’s a breath of fresh air to get out of Bacolod. This wicked little city is haunting me.

I haven’t started packing yet. Well, after traveling from here to there in the past months, I’ve mastered the art of packing. I can pack hours before my departure. That just proves I am capable of great things. Haha.

Toodles.

I make a stride as you watch from behind

2009-04-22T06:35:00.000-07:00

After several days of hiding behind the clouds, the sun put on a brave face today and came out, soaking this season with a pocketful of sunshine. And so, I really do feel that I must come out of hiding too. Therefore, here I am once again, making a comeback in writing online. [I prefer calling what I do now as writing online than blogging, because blogging almost sounds like ranting and complaining on some uninteresting page on the internet. And that is far from what I do.]

I’ve been gone for several months and I feel that I have a lost a huge amount of my flair in writing. But I just could not give up writing that easily.

This time, I decided to start anew along with my newfound philosophies in life. I should have created a brand new page a year ago when I started college, but perhaps the timing wasn’t just right.

After three years of writing in My Own Personal Legend site, I find myself moving on from it. It’s one of those transitions everybody has to go through. I shed off my trivial interests and concerns and I give way for as what I have mentioned, my new philosophies and way of thinking with practically, everything. I feel that my previous site has had enough teenage angst. I give it a break already.

So at the moment, you are reading Chasing The Legend, the sequel to my stories. I’ll write in a more sensible, collegiate attitude. Nevertheless, I’ll keep my language easy and conversational. The layout is a bit messy because I made it in only a day. But I’ll iron the creases out when I get my hands on them.

With this, I mark the beginning of a chase. On your mark, get set, and go! :)